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Sexperts In The Art Of Fellatio
"InFellated" emailed me with the following "Fellatio Etiquette" as told by a woman.
1. First and foremost, women are not obligated to suck your cock. So if you get a blowjob be grateful.
2. I DON'T have to swallow.
3. Don't push on the top of my head unless you want me to throw up on your cock.
4. Just because they did it in the porn video you saw, doesn't mean it's acceptable to cum on my face.
5. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
6. When I'm having my period it does not mean that it's "hummer week". I'm bloated, I feel like shit so no, I don't have to give you a blowjob just because YOU can't have sex right now.
7. My ears are NOT handles.
8. If I pause to remove a pubic hair from my mouth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
9. No, it doesn't particularly taste good and I couldn't care less about the protein content.
10. Leaving me in bed while you go watch TV or play video games immediately afterwards is NOT advisable if you'd like me to repeat my behavior in the future.
11. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
12. No, I will NOT perform fellatio on you while you watch football on TV.
13. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to brag or sympathize.
OK fellas. Print out your fellatio etiquette guide and study it as it just might come in handy. 
Posted: Thursday 2nd September 2004, 6:27 PM
