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Looking For Head

Two guys were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one guy said to the other, "Ya know, I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why's that?" said the other guy.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found $50. I went into town and bought a load of booze and was drunk for two days."

The other guy said, "That was pretty lucky, but I think I'M the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very same tracks two weeks ago, and found a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had wild sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first guy. "You ARE the luckiest guy in the world! Did she give you a head job, too?"

"Well, no", the other guy said, "I couldn't find her head." Not the sort of giving head you were expecting eh?

Posted: Wednesday 29th June 2005, 7:45 PM



Deep Throat Limerick

"MrsJustForFun" sent in a funny limerick... "Synopsis of Deep Throat". Deep Throat Limerick

It turns out her "little man in a boat",
Is embedded way deep in her throat,
For her to feel pleasure,
She must swallow your full measure,
Sucking hard 'til her tonsils you coat!

Posted: Tuesday 28th June 2005, 5:17 PM



Inside Deep Throat

Deep Throat was a $25,000 porn movie that became a $600 million box office phenomenon. Still the most profitable adult film in motion picture history, starring Linda Lovelace and Harry Reams, the story revolved about a woman whose clitoris was embedded deep in her throat.

Coming to a cinema near YOU is "Inside Deep Throat", a new documentary from Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato, which provides a riotous insight into the 1970's film "that rocked the porn industry and shook America to the core." (I find that a bit hard to swallow) Inside Deep Throat

Posted: Monday 27th June 2005, 6:26 PM



BBW Blowjobs

Speaking of BBW blowjobs, "LauraP" emailed me regarding my blog about Fat Girl Sex.

She writes...

"I am a BBW, and after reading your pages on BBW and BBW blow job, I thought about my own blow jobbing.

I have always tried to improve on the blow jobs I give, listen for the enjoyment noises, and latter on ask what was done well, and what could use some improvement.

I am always on the misson to learn more about what pleases a man in the oral sex department.

I listen to guys talk about bjs with each other, and try to pick up on technique, and apply it myself.

I think one of the reasons I am so intent on sucking dick well is that I am not confident in my ability to turn a man on with my body, so I have worked on sucking dick so that I can be confident in my ability to at least turn him on with my mouth.

That may just be me, but it seems to make sense, and I can't help but wonder if it would apply to other BBW.

Laura"

Now what Laura says here makes a lot of sense to me. If you're not good at one thing, concentrate on being good at another.

Personally, I'd prefer a good blowjob to a good fuck most days. I know I'm not the only guy who thinks this way too.

There's also a lot of skinny chicks out there who'd be too "proud" to take the time and effort to analyze and improve their blowjob skills (yeah, I know... there's men like that too Big Beautiful Women Suck Cock Better).

Hmmm... Maybe Alex really IS right - Big beautiful women DO make better lovers!

Thanks for the email Laura. May your blow job skills blow away "Mr. Right" BBW Blowjobs are COOL!

Posted: Sunday 26th June 2005, 7:25 PM



Oral Sex Myth

An email from "Curious" asks me whether she can get an STD from oral sex.

Myth: You can't get HIV or other STDs from oral sex.

Reality: You CAN get HIV/STDs from giving or receiving oral sex with a man or woman.

Be curious no more Another oral sex myth explained

Posted: Saturday 25th June 2005, 6:08 PM



Oral Sex Dilemma

I had a bit of a laugh over an oral sex dilemma one Blowjob Blog reader shared with me.

"BJAddicted" writes "I like to receive oral sex... a lot, but my wife hates it and doesn’t even like to talk about it. My girlfriend is the same as me and loves to give me head. While I don't like to cheat on my wife, I can't live without oral sex. What should I do?"

Oral sex dilemma I had to read that twice just to make sure i read it right! You have a wife AND a girlfriend. Getting your fair share of oral sex is the LEAST of your problems!

I reckon it would have been a good idea to sort out the oral sex issue BEFORE you got married!

Posted: Thursday 23rd June 2005, 6:25 PM



Fat Girl Sex

"Fat Girl Lover" emailed me yesterday asking for some advice on his "situation".

"I am a 24-year-old man and two weeks ago I had sex with a fat woman who weighed 220 pounds. She gave me a great blowjob but didn't turn me on when I tried to have intercourse with her. My penis is small in length and also fat girls have too much flab around their vaginas."

"A couple of days ago I had sex with another fat girl (she weighed around 190 pounds). She too gave me a blowjob but didn't want to have sex at first. When she later agreed to do it I couldn't get an erection making it impossible to put a condom on."

"I'm worried about why this is happening. Is it normal not to have any feeling while having sex?"

My first reaction to this was "If you aren't getting hard then you mustn't be sexually excited".

If that's the case then move on to someone who DOES excite you.

Now if that ISN'T the case, you might also need to take a break between the blowjob and the intercourse. Give "Little Head" some time to recover for God's sake!

Now assuming there are no medical reasons for your lack of erection, whilst having a small penis ain't gonna make it any easier for you to satisfy a fat woman, I've never met a guy who couldn't satisfy himself during sex.

I doubt whether having fat girl sex is any different. Fat girl sex

In fact my friend Alex is a huge fan of the BBW BLOWJOB and tells anyone who'll listen that big beautiful women make the best lovers.

Posted: Wednesday 22nd June 2005, 4:40 PM



Sexual Behaviour

I just read a fascinating article on human sexual behaviour. It suggested asking yourself the following questions to give yourself a greater understanding of your own sexual behaviour.

  • What does sex mean to you? Is it just recreational, or does it have an emotional connection?
  • How has your background influenced your attitudes about sex?
  • Do you carry any biases about sex that cause you to sabotage your sexual fulfillment?
  • How does it feel to think of the other person being sexual with other people?
  • How do you feel about monogamy?
  • How do you want to feel after sex? Is it enough to feel "that was fun", or do you want it to signify "something special is happening with this person"?
  • Does sex make you feel closer to the other person or more distant?
  • Does it cloud your judgment about whether he or she is a good fit with what you want in a partner?
  • Do you view sex as a "bridge" to a deeper commitment?
  • Do you automatically assume that a date is going to turn into sex?
  • Do you just go along with what the other person wants, or do you see your own choice in the matter?
  • Do you know how to decline an invitation to sex if it doesn’t feel right?
  • Is it important to you to discuss safe sex with partners before engaging in sexual activity?
  • What role do drugs or alcohol play in your sexual decision-making?
  • Do you disrupt day-to-day activities for sex or plan them around sex?
  • Do you lie about, keep secret or gloss over the number of or nature of your sexual encounters?
  • Does thinking about or planning sex occupy a large portion of your time?
  • Do you sometimes make irrational or impulsive decisions about sex?
  • Do you respect sex partners, or do you see them mostly as sexual objects?
  • Have you become numb or abusive to sexual partners?

Food for thought eh?

Posted: Monday 20th June 2005, 5:19 PM



Man Lover

"ManLover" emailed me this yesterday. I'm not sure whether she / he thought I needed to enrol in the course but I thought it was funny enough to share Man lover?


NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN

ALL ARE WELCOME - OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants.

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation.

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics).

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups.

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while shouting "It's not there!", "You’ve moved it!" or "We’ve run out!" – Open forum.


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role-play.

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation.

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did.

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing.

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available.


Posted: Sunday 19th June 2005, 2:43 PM



Serbian Sex Machine

Yes I didn't think there was sex in Serbia let alone a sex machine!

However a Serbian man who invented a woman's sex machine is now targeting western women to test ride his device.

Nesa Proka made the appeal after failing to find any willing Serbian women willng to try out his patented "ultimate sex aid" for lonely women.

The machine, which runs on a 390 volt electric engine, simulates sex and has a 7½" artificial cock. The machine's "penis" can move at up to 180 strokes per minute for as long as the woman desires. (a man can only manage that intensity of movement for about 5 seconds). It comes equipped with a set of controls to fully regulate the speed and intensity of the thrusting.

The inventor said he has to market it in the west because he had not been able to find any Serbian woman to test it out, saying "Western women are more liberal. I couldn't find a woman here to try the sex machine."

Anyone here interested? Try out the latest sex machine NOW!

Posted: Friday 17th June 2005, 4:01 PM



Modern Day Birds & Bees

A little boy goes to his father with the usual birds and bees questions, asking "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well son, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo."

"Then I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cybercafe."

"We went into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive."

"As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the DELETE button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!" The birds and the bees - 21st century style!

Posted: Wednesday 15th June 2005, 5:56 PM



Wedding Anniversary Sex

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary after he'd approached her for sex, which she refused.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."

Posted: Monday 13th June 2005, 6:18 PM



Rainbow Parties

It seems as if today's teens are unable to amuse themselves without raising eyebrows. The latest "craze" is the "Rainbow Party". Sounds innocent enough doesn't it?

What's got parents of teens up in arms is what goes on at these parties. A "rainbow party," you see, is a gathering of girls and boys for the purpose of engaging in group oral sex.

Each girl wears a different colored lipstick destined to leave a mark on each boy. At the end of the night, the boys proudly sport a rainbow colored cock as a badge of honor. Oral sex rainbow party

Whatever happened to spin the bottle!

Posted: Sunday 12th June 2005, 2:15 PM



Blowjob Virus

I had a blowjob virus yesterday. Well, my computer did anyway. No blowjob virus on MY dick!

I received an attachment in an email offering me a video described as "Jenna Pool Blowjob Scene (rare)".

Thinking it was one of my favorite porn stars, Jenna Jameson, I went to download the file. That was when my antivirus program lit up telling me that the file was infected with the "W32.HLLW.Theug Worm".

Sounds nasty doesn't it?! Be aware that this blowjob virus may be coming to a PC near YOU.

Posted: Friday 10th June 2005, 11:10 PM



Female Ejaculation - Squirting

Whilst we blowjob lovers are more than familiar with the male ejaculation process, many are unaware of the feminine equivalent... female ejaculation - or "squirting".

Marie, my oral sex alarm clock, was a squirter. I remember the first time we had sex and she gushed huge amounts of "cum" as she climaxed. She was fucking LOUD too! Screaming and squirting in sheer orgasmic bliss. Of course I didn't hear her... I was doing the same thing at the time! Squirting describes the process of female ejaculation.

If you want to see more squirting women enjoying explicit female ejaculation you know where to click.

Posted: Wednesday 8th June 2005, 6:12 PM



Oral Sex Games

I was researching some oral sex games the other day and came across the "Smiley Game".

This is where a group of girls would perform oral sex while under a table around which were an equal number of guys. The first guy to smile lost the game.

Now I don't know if that signalled the end of the game and all the girls stopped sucking cock, but wouldn't you be pissed if that was the case?! Oral sex games

Man, whatever happened to spin the bottle!

Posted: Monday 6th June 2005, 10:30 AM



Fellatio Definition

To add to the educational content of the Blowjob Blog, here's the dictionary definition of "FELLATIO"... I love fellatio and THAT'S no secret!

fel·la·ti·o (f-lsh-, f-)

Pronunciation: f&-'lA-shE-"O, fe-, -'lät-E-

Variant: also fel·la·tion /-'lA-sh&n/

Function: noun

Inflected Form: plural -tios also -tions

: oral stimulation of the penis by a fellatrice —fel·la·tory /'fel-&-"tor-E/ adjective

synonym: fellation

Posted: Saturday 4th June 2005, 11:27 AM



Sex In Public

I had to wonder whether the couple in the audience of "the most explicit sex show ever staged in Britain" might have gotten away with THEIR antics had they been using the oral sex vibrator I mentioned in yesterday's blog.

The pair were watched by many other members of the public as they had oral sex in the aisle of the Riverside Studios theatre.

The 33-year-old woman, who later gave her name as Mistress Poppy, said that she was a "professional dominatrix" and porn actress.

"I've done this sort of thing before, in porn films and live sex shows, and I would have loved to go up on stage and have full sex in public there too" she said.

A Home Office spokeswoman said: "It makes no difference if it was a member of the cast or a member of the audience who was involved. Sex in public is an offence."

Posted: Friday 3rd June 2005, 5:40 PM



Oral Sex Vibrator

A new vibrator, that makes it easier for a woman to perform perfect oral sex, has gone on sale in Russia of all places!

The sex aid, nicknamed "the lazy thing", consists of a vibrating latex cylinder which is designed to make oral sex effortless and more pleasureable for the blowjob recipient.

It fits inside a woman's mouth and once it's switched on "gives extra oral pleasure to a partner", according to the marketing company promoting the sex toy.

Another benefit of the vibrator is that the person performing the sexual act does not have to move his or her head to achieve the desired result.

That's sure to be a relief to the many women out there as the first thing I thought of when I heard of the oral sex vibrator was ... "Won't it chip your teeth?" An oral sex vibrator for lazy cocksuckers.

Posted: Thursday 2nd June 2005, 7:02 PM



Celebrity Blowjobs Under The Table

In one of the hottest stories to hit my email in-tray today, rapper / actor Ice-T, the 47-year-old "Law & Order: SVU" star, was reportedly on the receiving end of an under the table blowjob from his busty blond wife Nicole (Coco) Austin and an unidentified brunette woman in full view of witnesses at a nightclub the other night.

One witness told how the celebrity TV star (real name Tracy Morrow) held up a disposable camera and clicked off a few "Kodak moments" as the women took turns at performing fellatio on him.

Some guys get ALL the luck! I'd like a blowjob under the table with my fries please!

Posted: Wednesday 1st June 2005, 4:38 PM



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Female Ejaculation - Squirting
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Modern Day Birds & Bees
Serbian Sex Machine
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