The oral sex blog for blowjob lovers by a guy who REALLY LOVES BLOWJOBS!

Lick Suck Dick Fuck

You feel that lump? That’s my cock and balls.

See my semen squirt like Niagara Falls.

Viagra stalls and I don’t need it.

Show me the clitoris and I’ll beg to eat it.

Feed it with a plate full of cum.

I’ll stroke on that vagina ’til the walls go numb.

Fuck you with my thumb, I’m not like other guys.

When we’re done I’ll lick the cream from your thighs.

No, I'm not getting all poetic on ya. They're some of the lyrics from "Lick Suck Dick Suck", a track by Houston Bernard, a self-described "Bi-Porno Electro-Punk Rapper." A friend of mine saw his live show and couldn't wait to play his new album for me.

I gotta admit, it's got an edge and he DOES seem to like having his dick sucked! DON'T WE (men) ALL

Posted: Thursday 31st March 2005, 1:15 PM

Hotel Porn

Ya know maybe what Charlie Sheen should have done was rent a hotel room and watch a good porn dvd. It would have caused him a whole lot less grief!

Here's a little statistic that got me thinking...

In hotel rooms where porn movies are available, two-thirds of all movie purchases are for pornos, and the average time they're watched is 12 minutes.

Now to me, that paints a picture of a lone viewer who's too tired, too scared or too cheap to hire a call girl. Instead, he opts for a little visual stimulation to accompany a quick, self-administered hand job, then clicks off the TV and goes off to bed.

Now what I want to know is... What did he do for the other 10 minutes?

Posted: Monday 28th March 2005, 2:58 PM

Chloe Jones Blowjob Takes Sheen Off Marriage

Sexy porn star Chloe Jones' blowjob skills are at the center of a new report which claims actor Charlie Sheen cheated on his now-estranged wife Denise Richards last month.

That might explain why Richards, who is pregnant with the couple's second child, filed for divorce from her husband of two years earlier this month.

Chloe Jones, (a 29 year-old blonde, ex-Playboy model with full luscious lips, a tight petite body, perfect breasts and a perfectly round ass), claims she performed oral sex on the actor at the Los Angeles Bel-Air Hotel on February 6.

After passing a lie detector test arranged by the National Enquirer, the pornstar claims she was paid $15,000 to spend four hours with the actor, who was "suicidal, sobbing, saying his marriage was over and he wanted to marry me."

Man, Chloe Jones' blowjob skills must be GOOD! But how the hell did Charlie Sheen last for FOUR hours!!?

Posted: Sunday 27th March 2005, 2:27 PM

Mature Sex

A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week.

A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Could you please tell my husband, he's out in the waiting room."

The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week.

The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?"

The doctor answered, "Well I suppose Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be ideal."

The husband sat thinking for a minute then said, "I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, she'll have to take the bus."

Oh! that wasn't the Mature Sex you were hoping for?

Posted: Thursday 24th March 2005, 3:49 PM

Sex Pledge Success Story

Thanks to "ChickyBabe", I can report that not ALL teen sex pledges are failing as I reported yesterday.

"ChickyBabe" emailed me yesterday to let me know that she and a few of her teenage girlfriends promised not to have sex before marriage, which resulted in their first intercourse experiences being delayed by between a year and 18 months.

From my way of thinking though, this may just result in pledge-takers marrying earlier and having fewer sexual partners in their lifetime; two factors which I believe increase the chances of broken marriages later in life.

What about YOU? Would anyone else care to share their sex pledge success story (or otherwise)?

Posted: Tuesday 22nd March 2005, 5:26 PM

Sex Abstinence Pledges Failing

What's with all the publicity surrounding "Sex Abstinence Pledges" lately? I keep reading and hearing about teenagers making abstinence promises in record numbers, even though a recent study, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health by researchers from Yale and Columbia Universities, shows that they don't stop unsafe sex.

One of the main findings of the study was that, among virgins, teens who make abstinence pledges are six times more likely to have oral sex and four times more likely to have anal sex than their peers who DON'T pledge.

It also found young people who participate in sex abstinence pledges have the same rate of sexually transmitted diseases as those who do NOT make those pledges.

What surprised me was the statement that "A lot of teens don't consider oral sex or anal sex as actual sex...".

Well what the hell WOULD you call it???

Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky have a lot to answer for.

Posted: Monday 21st March 2005, 6:10 PM

Suck My Cock

Yes, those three magic little words that men love to utter. "Suck My Cock". Succinct, to the point, easily understood and utterly expressive.

In a world where women often complain that men don't communicate their inner thoughts, "Suck My Cock" breaks down the barriers to true male/female communication.

And ladies... you never know... if you act when you hear the words "suck my cock" coming from YOUR man's mouth, you just might hear those OTHER three magic words more often.

Posted: Saturday 19th March 2005, 3:01 PM

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

A big hello and best wishes for a great Saint Patrick's Day to all my Irish friends out there. I had a great time last year with the Saint Patrick's Day "Green Beer Babes" which got me thinking about the St. Patrick's Day Blowjob Limerick I wrote.

I'm heading out for a few quiet ones now and I'm hoping to find a lovely little female leprechaun to make all my dreams come true (preferably one with a nice pair of boobs and a pint or two of Guiness).

Posted: Thursday 17th March 2005, 5:19 PM

Fellatio Improves Your Sense Of Humor

Well, it must do if this joke from "JustBlown" is any indication...

Q. What doesn't belong on this list? Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob.

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, you can beat eggs, you can beat your wife (though not recommended), but you can't beat a blowjob.

Posted: Wednesday 16th March 2005, 3:42 PM

Oral Sex Recipes

Gee you lot like your drinks! I've got enough oral sex related drink recipes to keep me drunk for a month!

Keep 'em coming and I might write a book

Posted: Tuesday 15th March 2005, 1:59 PM

Wrigley's Doublemint Blow Job

If the cool refreshing taste of Wrigley's Doublemint chewing gum satisfies YOUR tastebuds, try THIS great blow job drink recipe!

Ingredients:
1 oz. Kahlua
1.5 oz. Fresh Cream
0.5 oz. Peppermint Schnapps

Directions: Serve in a chilled shot glass. ENJOY.

Posted: Sunday 13th March 2005, 11:37 AM

Las Vegas Blowjob

Still not satisfied? Try the "Las Vegas Blowjob" and get blown Vegas style!

Ingredients:
0.2 oz. Banana Liqueur
0.2 oz. Orange juice
0.2 oz. Pineapple Juice
0.5 oz. Rum
0.5 oz. Jagermeister

Directions: Mix all ingredients together with crushed ice. Shake well and get blown... Las Vegas style.

Posted: Saturday 12th March 2005, 1:35 PM

Monica Lewinsky Blowjob Drink

Here's another great blowjob drink recipe, which is name the "Monica Lewinsky" although it could quite easily have ben called the "Bill Clinton".

Ingredients:
0.25 shot Amaretto
0.75 shot Cola
0.25 shot Grain Alcohol
0.25 shot Rum

Directions: Mix it, drink it, deny you had it.

Posted: Friday 11th March 2005, 2:17 PM

The Big Swallow

"CinderellaMan" emailed me his favorite blowjob drink recipe... "The Big Swallow"

Ingredients:
1.0 oz. Coffee Liqueur
1.0 oz. Whipped Cream

Directions: Pour Kahlua into a shot glass and top it off with the whipped cream. Then, without using your hands, pick up the shot glass with only your mouth, and swallow!

The results give the drink its name.

Posted: Thursday 10th March 2005, 4:15 PM

Enjoy An Aggressive Blowjob!

If you think an "Aggressive Blowjob" is something that'll leave you with scarred genitalia you might want to allay your fears and whip up a couple of these...

Ingredients:
0.75 shot Cola
0.25 shot Grain Alcohol

Directions: Mix 'em up and chug 'em down.

Posted: Wednesday 9th March 2005, 3:11 PM

German Blowjob

Not to be outdone, "Hektor" sent me his recipe for a German Blowjob.

How to make German Blowjob.

Ingredients:
1 oz. Baileys Irish Cream
1 oz. Jagermeister
1 oz. Rumplemintz

Directions: In a tall shot glass float Irish Cream on bottom, Rumplemintz in the middle and the Jagermeister on top.

And I have to say...

Posted: Tuesday 8th March 2005, 1:16 PM

Swedish Blowjobs You Can Drink

I had a Swedish Blowjob last night.

Now before you get jealous... here's the recipe for one of the easiest drinks you will ever swallow.

How to make Swedish Blowjob

Ingredients:
1 oz. Banana Liqueur
1 oz. Kahlua (Coffee Liqueur)
1 oz. Baliey's Irish Cream

Directions: Pour in layers starting with the Kahlua, then the Banana liqueur and topped with Bailey's in a shot glass.

Drink with your hands behind your back for that "just swallowed" look!

Posted: Sunday 6th March 2005, 4:34 PM

Boob Blog?

If I keep this up I'll have to rename this blog to "The Boob Blog"!

"Tawny Peaks", a big titted porn star who retired from adult movie making in 1999 has put one of her implants up for sale on Ebay!

The big breasted pornstar had breast reduction surgery to enable her to get on with her "normal" life.

At last count the bids were up over $9,000. Probably more than she paid to have 'em put in!

Posted: Friday 4th March 2005, 2:02 PM

What A Job!

An Italian sex researcher claims he can tell a woman's personality from the shape, size and feel of her breasts.

The doctor says a woman with pert, firm breasts may look erotic but, in reality, is shy, while a woman with large, round breasts may appear motherly, but really wants to be spoiled and admired.

He goes on to say that small-breasted women are funny, entertaining, intelligent and make great partners!

Now, I LOVE head jobs but how the hell do I get a job like that!

Posted: Tuesday 1st March 2005, 6:24 PM

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